i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
