he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize