Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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