8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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