Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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