Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize