why didn't you poke me back
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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