So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
