I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
