I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
