The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
