I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
