thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
