it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
