Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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