Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
