just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
