If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
