so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
