your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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