Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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