i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
