You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
