remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
