I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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