Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
