Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
