I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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