So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
