The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
