420 ftw
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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