Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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