I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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