she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
