Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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