too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
