I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
