my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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