I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
