What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
