how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
