Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
