so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
