don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
