theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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