i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
