3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
