you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We have started to decorate penises.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
