4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
