I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
