I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
