Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
