My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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