you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
