suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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