Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
