Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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