Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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