i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The cops high fived after they tackled you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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