I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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