Are we in a gay sports bar?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
