Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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