we made out on top of his cat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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