I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
