I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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