I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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