I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
