She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
