Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
