im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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