did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
