You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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