Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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