I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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