I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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